Week 07 Turning Towards Each Other

Let me start this post with a little story:

A couple had been married for 50 years and a party was thrown for their golden anniversary.  The husband was very moved by the occasion and wanted to tell his wife how much he thought of her. She was hard of hearing, however, and often misunderstood what he said.  With family and friends gathered around, he toasted her and said, “My dear wife, after 50 years I’ve found you tried and true!”

Everyone clapped for them, but his wife was a little irritated and asked, “What did you say?”  He spoke louder, “After 50 years, I’ve found you tried and true!”

The wife was now visibly upset and shouted back, “Well, after 50 years I’m tired of you, too!”

This is just a cute story, but a real reminder how we may feel sometimes in our marriage. Do we really hear what our spouse it saying to us?

Is our spouse giving us small hints and clues that they need your time, your attention, and your help and are we aware of those moments?  

Are we taking the opportunities to turn towards our spouse?

“Every time you make the effort to listen and respond to what your spouse says, to help him or her, you make your marriage a little better.” (Gottman, 91)

In a world filled with distractions it is becoming harder and harder to just be with, talk with, and give undivided attention to our spouse. 

“The ease with which other people can contact us at all hours of the day and night can take a toll on the intimate communication that fuels both romantic love and family life” (Gottman, 92)

So this week I have a challenge.  Put down the cell phones, and social media and turn into your marriage. Just see what happens. 

 Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown.